Hello! And welcome to the final instalment of our two-part guest post series from Hard Quiz champion Brendan Richards. Last week, Brendan gave us an overview of all of his game show appearances… but this week, we’re going deeper into the contestant experience, as we peruse highlights from the diary Brendan kept during his Hard Quiz experience. (With Brendan’s permission, of course.) And be sure to keep an eye out for his detailed description of recording day protocols near the end! Take it away, Brendan!

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FRIDAY, 13 SEPTEMBER 2024

EARLY MORNING, SYDNEY

Early start on the Metro, leaving around the time I’d normally leave for work.

At the airport, I left my phone on a toilet roll holder (matching the colour of the phone’s case)… Fortunately, the phone was still on the holder when I rechecked; hopefully the only unlucky thing to happen on Friday the 13th.

An uneventful flight (listened to some Monty Python to ease the mind and prepare myself.)

12:00 PM, ARRIVAL IN MELBOURNE

Transferred to Southbank… Hotel was practically across the road from the ABC. Some construction work on the other block, and that bloody jackhammer – turns out there is something more grating than Tom Gleeson’s deliveries!

Time for a walk and photo opportunity around the CBD. 2 hours or so… then time to freshen up, pack and walk to the ABC. A quick call from Hugh (one of my step-cousins) to wish me luck.

3:45 PM, HARD QUIZ PREP, ABC

Nervous but confident and ready (carrying a suit bag with 3 potential changes of clothes – very relieved the studios were just one block across from the hotel).

Introduced to three other contestants – Bec from Maroubra, Nathan from Newcastle, and Mel from Elsternwick.

We were assigned our dressing rooms (with our own personalised dressing room signs); we weren’t allowed to discuss our topics but could talk about anything else. Then we were given a brief rundown of the rules and a video demonstration of what to do and what not to do. (Don’t move from your podium too early when Tom says “Get over here” prior to the Head to Head, etc.).

Wardrobe department helped co-ordinate all our outfits; I had a multi-coloured collared shirt, which went well with the black pants. 

Snack box – a “chicken katsu sando”, rice wrap and a slice or biscuit. Never again will I complain about a TV studio canteen’s offerings (!). Plenty of bottles of water (with my name on them – maybe I should’ve kept one as a souvenir).

Bit more time to relax and clear the mind, followed by a light make-up dusting on the face.

Soon enough we were led to Studio 31 (the largest studio), where Hard Quiz was being taped. The set and audience bleachers took up about half the studio space; the set looked larger than what I remember seeing on TV.

Once settled, we had an opportunity to practice answering questions, and our exits if eliminated.

We were told to stay on the raised platform for safety reasons; after my “rehearsal exit”, I’d unintentionally taken a shortcut when, walking back to the podium, I walked onto the studio floor instead of on the platform. (Make sure you follow every instruction, even down to where and how you walk.)

Audience then filed in; Hugh and his girlfriend were in the front row (along with the other contestants’ VIPs). The warm-up guy had a few jokes with the audience (as did Tom Gleeson).

6:00 PM, SHOW TIME!

Introductions of contestants and our expert subjects:

• Bec: U.S. Presidential assassinations

• Nathan: Poker

• Mel: Contraception

• Brendan: Monty Python

Introductions almost went smoothly; I stumbled on trying to say “I’ve never had my face slapped by a fish” (which I think won the audience over).

Then a “stop tape” to prepare for the “Expert Round” followed by “Tom’s Round”.

EXPERT ROUND

I got in on the first question for Bec’s “Assassination” subject (the location of where Abraham Lincoln was shot). I answered “the Ford Theatre” (I wasn’t sure if that wording was correct). Tom motioned for a “stop tape” to verify my answer, but it was judged correct. It was only after the episode that I realised I should have said “Ford’s Theatre”. Still, ten points is ten points. Then to my round.

• One question was “What was used in place of horses in Monty Python and the Holy Grail”? I knew the answer was coconut halves. To my surprise (and the audience’s), Tom had some coconut halves handy, so I walked up to his podium and “rode” all the way back to mine.

• I managed to get the only “5 from 5” for the whole episode

In Nathan’s “Poker” subject, I managed to get in on two questions: the highest possible hand (The Royal Flush)… and where the founder of World Series Poker fled to, from Texas (Las Vegas).

In Mel’s “Contraception” subject, I also went in (!) on the material used for making condoms (“Latex” or rubber), much to Tom’s surprise and the audience’s amusement. I got an unexpected bigger laugh when I interjected, “No, I haven’t had any experience! Don’t ask!”

SCORE CHECK AT END OF EXPERT ROUND:

Bec: 30, Brendan: 65, Nathan: 20, Mel: 0

TOM’S ROUND

“This week, Tom has really been getting into boxes…” I knew I was well ahead of Mel, so I wasn’t too worried if I got a few wrong. I unfortunately was “boxed up” (!) on four of these questions, but I still held a good enough lead over Mel and Bec at the end of this round…

SCORE CHECK AT END OF TOM’S ROUND:

Bec: 15, Brendan: 50, Nathan: 25, Mel: -5

So it was goodbye to Mel; it’s always a tough playing field with four players trying to win the episode. Another “stop tape” (and drink of water) before “The People’s Round”.

Spare a thought for those eliminated who have to do their exit twice for the cameras!

THE PEOPLE’S ROUND

I only managed one correct answer during “The People’s Round”, but I think I’d guaranteed myself a ticket to the “Head to Head” round, after how I did in the “Expert Round”. A few close calls (and that round does seem to drag; Tom knows what he’s doing – I think), but Nathan and I made it to the knockout stage.

SCORE CHECK AT END OF THE PEOPLE’S ROUND:

Bec: 20, Brendan: 55, Nathan: 45, Mel: TOO SOFT

Another “stop tape”, this time for a camera reset, then on to the “Head to Head” round at the centre of stage. The Assistant Floor Manager gave us clear instructions on where to stand. I was close to the edge of the platform, but I was also given safety advice on how to exit if I was eliminated in the final round.

I had to keep my nerves intact as it was a best-out-of-5 knockout. I was tempted to keep up the comebacks (“Yes, Tommy baby?” first time around), but I think once was enough at the first question.

One question related to some gag credits from Flying Circus littered with certain words from an episode of that same name – “Spam”. And yes, I just had to scream, “I DON’T LIKE SPAM!”

One question I missed referred to Life of Brian: What did “Brian” (Graham Chapman) use for a certain part of his body when he appeared naked in front of the crowd? The answer was… a rubber band (Graham Chapman wasn’t Jewish). Maybe I should’ve paid more attention watching those excerpts in my high school religion exam. (Goddamn it – no, Briandamn it!)

Final question for my set, and Nathan was on 3/2 (3 right, 2 wrong), and I was on 3/1. I needed to answer the fifth question correctly to win outright.

TOM: The 16th century painting An Allegory with Venus and Cupid inspired what piece of Monty Python iconography?

BRENDAN: I don’t believe this…! It’s something that’s been seen in almost all 45 episodes of Monty Python’s Flying Circus. It has to be the foot.

Once Tom said “CORRECT!”, I realised I had won.

I thought Nathan would’ve had it as well; again, a tough playing field all around.

The brass mug was heavier than it looked, but at that moment I couldn’t care less – I was bloody thrilled!

In “Gumby” fashion, I shouted “THANK! YOU! FOR! PLAY! ING! HARD!” And then, in Eric Idle-fashion, “I like playing hard! Know what I mean? Nudge Nudge! Say no more!” (and a good laugh at that).

Walking back to the contestant podium, I forgot there was a riser for one of the shorter contestants and I tripped over it. I heard gasps from the audience, and the floor manager checked if I was okay… But honestly, I’d never felt better in my life!

After a group photo, some pickups (without making any hint of my win), and final congratulations from Tom, it hit me that I’d have to wait a few good months before I could publicly say I won – six months as it turned out!

(Well, I did let my family know, but they kept it a good secret all the way through.)

The waiting time was worth it in the end.

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Congratulations, Brendan! And once again, thanks very much for sharing your adventures with us. If you’d like to Be Like Brendan and share YOUR game-show related story with the HowToWinGameShows.com community, simply drop me an email at Stephen@HowToWinGameShows.com… and let’s talk!

Oh, and before I go, one last thing… For anyone in Melbourne who’s free this coming Saturday (May 24th), I’ll be taking part in ‘Very Appealing Showbiz Trivia’: a fundraising trivia night for the Victorian Actors Benevolent Trust. It’s a trivia night with a difference, as various roving celebrities (and me!) circulate amongst the teams, giving them a helping hand where possible. It promises to be a fun, irreverent night, and it’ll be raising funds for a good cause at the same time… all the details are HERE:  

https://events.humanitix.com/very-appealing-showbiz-trivia

If you’re interested and available, I’d love to see you there! After that, I’ll see you back here next Tuesday… 

Until then, then!  

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